She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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