It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
