Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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