new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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