Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
