omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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