Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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