I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
