There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
