my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
