I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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