my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
