Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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