I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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