Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
