There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize