Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
