the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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