i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
