My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
