I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
