omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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