Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
