absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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