Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
