I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
