So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
