I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
