i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
