All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
