Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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