Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
