i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
