I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
