in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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