I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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