I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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