there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
