Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
