Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
