I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
MIDGETS
????
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
