All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
