roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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