cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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