I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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