He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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