Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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