I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
