I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
