I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
