I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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